Opportunity!

I really need to start sticking a few pictures on these here blogs - especially for this post.

So I'm feeling a bit forlorn and dejected from a few things and I decide (despite the overcast, occasional showery conditions) to head down to the beach. Give me some perspective, feel the sand between the toes - that whole jazz.

Standing on the edge of tidal inflow I notice a man watching his mate having a surf behind me and ask him to take a picture for me (picture will come). We then have a conversation that moves onto 'I have a spare room in my beach facing $2 million property that I'll lease to you, fully furnished, bills included, ensuite for $250 a week'. To explain why this is jaw dropping, a quick maths lesson.

To work out the proportionate cost of things I do the 'min wage equilibration'. Follow if you can. In Australia min-wage is ~£10 an hour compared to the UK at £6. For an identical standard of living therefore, items here need to cost 1.66x as much as in the UK. The actual rates are greatly variable (as you'd expect) with some things being 3-4x the cost and others being equal. I would love to have this shit have holes poked in it by the way so the economists and erudites out there - do it. Rape me.

So using the $250 as a benchmark ($1.5:£1 = $250:£166) (£166 / 1.66 = £100) at min wage in AU I'd have to work for 16.6 hours to pay for my weekly wage. Think of what you get for £100 a week, all bills internet included, and compare that to what I got offered.

And just wait till I show you the pictures. I am pretty fucking stoked if I'm honest hahaha. When something seems too good to be true though....

The guy is a 30 year old banker who is moving into mining because he wants a better wage (what a country.) living with his german girlfriend. I've met them both and they are lovely! My character judgement is pretty exemplary but when things seems too good to be true...

Lackadaisical logistics

Gonna start a facebook group - that moment you realise you have spent 1/6 of your money in two days. Granted this is accommodation for the near future included, a slap up meal and drinks that I WON'T be doing every night, but it was a bit of a wincer none the less. The sket (non-offensive context, I just pissed myself when I saw this upcoming film) in the bank counted it by hand and came up with a figure $300 less than the counting machine did... don't get why she counted it in the first place. Fit though.

So here I am, in my home away from home (starbucks). Paying $6 an hour for Wifi in the hotel really grinds my fukn gears y'know so I pay $6 for 24 here! + Travel + Coffee... oh shit...

Been on a job hunt, big style. I think I'm worth £20 an hour here but realistically I'll be looking at about £15 in some generic sales or retail position. If only I could fucking drive!! Arrrrgh! I'm not going to go into details about how long it is to get a license here but to summarise: 1 year minimum before you can be an unsupervised 'provisional', and people don't even really want to hire you, big liability that you are. Then, three years to obtain a full license. If I could, I could do pharmaceutical sales to hospitals and be on £25 an hour. Oh the cruel twists of fate.

I made a friend today, an estate agent! He even gave me an umbrella that he had found at a deserted property. Useful cause the one with the Australia flag on it was unreliable, disobedient and broke after a short period of pressure... I'm not saying anything.... The man himself managed to shatter every preconception I had about estate agents, so goddamn helpful. I may have found a nice little bachelor student pad as well, depends on a few other things though (like, where will my job be in the city). The single best thing about the property were the two parrots that were casually sitting on a washing line in the back garden cawing at us. Andy (the agent) took a few photos, hope to get them up soon.

Wild, territorial parrots in back gardens.That is probably enough to keep me here for life.

Je suis arrivé

Sitting here in a Starbucks at 5:37pm local time (6:37am GMT) sipping on a soy cappuccino (in Sydney, soy is king) and slowly drying off. It's been an absolute tropical rainstorm since I got here. Walking 25 minutes in said storm with 40kg of luggage to hotel was.... an experience. To say the least. The subsequent shower and power sleep was absolutely delish though!

My first few experiences with Australian service bear mentioning.... ordering a 'large soy macchiato' got a bit lost in translation with the barista and I received a single espresso. I mentioned it to the man and he said 'oh christ mate, sorry, it's the accent that got me!' Cheeky fucker. Later on, went to find myself an umbrella and when I asked for one from the reasonably cute looking girl she kindly got me one. With a big Australia flag on the top of it. Cue huge banter and a clear pickup opportunity (I've shaved since I arrived here; no one has a chance) that I let slide. But battle has been joined with these pommy angling cockroaches!! I feel much fonder of the UK now I'm not there, without the deadening feeling you get from rat-race London. I will defend us guys, for the Queen!

"I am not the author of these troubles but give me the strength to strike down my enemies" - Genghis Khan

Already though there is this smooth friction with people, like I'm in an East LDN greasy spoon talking about how shit (your) Arsenal team is compared to (my) Spurs. You can feel it. Just wish the weather was a bit better...

Sepp the Battler - a futile witch hunt?

I was at a bit of a loss to work out what I would blog about before I actually "went" to Australia but I figure a nice topical piece on current affairs would do nicely...

... and what better place to start than the master of misogyny, Sepp Blatter! The cameltoe loving scamp has really outdone himself this time, going beyond his par-for-the-course inappropriateness and blundering into the plain unacceptable. His blanket assessment of racism in football has led many to be shaking their heads in disbelief, calling for him to be (finally) sacrificed for the good of the game - and not without good cause. His obvious inability to empathize with ethnic minorities aside, he is a corrupt sleaze who forwent his accountability a long, long time ago. Many British footballers past and present have expressed their shock in no uncertain terms - Mark Bright, David Beckham, Rio Ferdinand to name a few. (Not as shocked as I am that Rio Ferdinand is literate). The odds are not long on Theo Walcott coming out and saying something next (that kid has something to say about EVERYTHING. Definitely over indulged as a child...)

However, are we in the UK kidding ourselves a bit here?

Just look at the reception his comments provoked from European media sources. He even has Eusebio, a legendary (black) footballer shrugging his shoulders at his words - albeit a man from Blatters generation, probably fresh from another statue unveiling. No doubt racism was so institutionalized at this time you either had to get on with it or "never finish a game". Sepp is obviously archaic and wrong but it is only the politically correct, sensationalist English who have really gone up in arms about it. This cynic suspects another media driven witch hunt in order to sell papers, but at least they're much more in line with public sentiment.

The man is part Berlusconi, part George Bush. What does Sepp have to fear from the English? Earlier this year, the FA tried to stand up to ol' Sepp and his club and the notion was roundly rejected. Blatter has the knack of binding to him the people who matter - via corrupt practices or not remains to be proven. a la Berlusconi, he remains in power long after an unnatural amount of pressure has been placed on him via his own mistakes, gaffes and suspect conduct (a la Bush). His wriggling and evasiveness on issues of corruption were absolutely standard for a man of his position and people would do well to remember that going after the King is only a good idea if you know you're going to win.

Still smarting from our numerous failures to bring Blatter down, the media and top FA brass are fuelling a shit storm of massive proportions but what chances of it crossing the channel? I am not privy to the goings on at the top but are we unable to take any sort of effective action? Empty words do nothing. Let's go to FIFA's sponsors, let's go to his allies all over the world, let's remove the pillars of his support one by one until he crumbles. We've already achieved FIFA alienation and who knows, maybe Blatters successor will appreciate our good work in bringing this old boy down. Maybe we'll get a shout for the 2026 WC?

Anyone can shout about what is right, good and fair but it takes fox-like cunning to bring another fox down. Are we Boggis, Bunce and Bean? Or can we beat him at his own game? You need to play the game and get to the top before you can change it.