No money blues

Oh the dangers of living well. My advice for anyone from the UK coming to do anything in Australia - get a job in Norway first, STACKING that high income paper. To prepare yourself. Bringing your worthless sterling here won't help you. Gone are the days when we would fill the MCG during the ashes and chant '3 dollars to the pound'. Their fault for a comeuppance that I have to bear the brunt of?! Today my food has consisted of quite a lot of bread - a winners diet in my opinion. There is this involuntarily gagging sensation as you force the Australian equivalent of tescos brand sardines on toast down your throat and the un-removed spine gets stuck on your tonsils but character building or what?! Pay day is gonna be one sweet day. I don't know how to break to my landlord/flatmate that my first fornightly pay may not arrive because I don't have the AU equivalent of a National Insurance number... all I can do is work out everyday, building strength. So I can fight their attempts to evict me - it's going to be a funny one. Two weeks pay will be enough for a months rent near enough but I can't spend what I don't have (hi US government). Saying that, every time I pay with my AU cash card I get asked 'Savings or Credit?' Gonna have to start saying credit I think. I'll probably xfer some $$$ from my UK account but that isn't stacked to the brim, that's for sure.

I am also a little bit interested in why the coldest Summer in Sydney for fifty years has come on my watch. I don't want to point any fingers (Canada) but can we all universally sort this shit out? No more of this CO2 messing with the environment.

While I'm on the topic of whining, special mention goes to this 19 y/o Swedish girl I had a date with. Met her at work and she is stunning. Unfortunately she seems to know this - while knowing EVERYTHING. Example of conversation - 'What type of music do you like? Any good bands?' In a completely american accent, 'I don't DO bands... I mean, like, they're just like false idols you know? The ONLY good music is house and dubstep.' Note the full stop. I don't think I had really done anything wrong at this point so this conversation ending full stop doesn't (obviously) stem from anything I did. It stems from her idea that NO OTHER OPINION MATTERS. There was a lot of things that girl did not 'DO'. Including me, it seems. We parted with a peck and a gleeful session of deleting her texts from my phone. I didn't even have the balls to go dutch on this little princess but at least she didn't get anything too expensive....

In her defence though there was this moment where she said 'I'm gonna get the vegetarian lasagne. No wait, the chicken schnitzel.' I went to order the food at the bar, came back and started with 'So you're a vegetarian are you?'

Fail.

Onwards and Upwards

Well here we fuckin go. Shit is happening now at 600 knots and I've been living in an emotional flux for the last ten days or so; hence the inability to blog, depriving all 4 of my blog following family the chance to stay up to date. If you've accidentally found your way on here you're probably looking for something entertaining. I have to say that the distinct lack of pictures is troubling even me now. I've seen some beautiful things but not yet the will to take their fucking picture. I just feel like I'll be back there sometime, no need to do it yet......

Emotional flux = Sharing a room (bed) with your ex for over a week. When you still might like each other but you don't quite know yet. I don't recommend it yet it sure saved me a lot of money! After that messiness I moved into the BIG hostel for a few days, very decent for $30 a night. Big common room with nice TV, some cool people and cool staff. Sharing a room with 8 has its expected problems but having a bunk bed that squeaks like a dry-raped goose every time you shift sure makes you feel self conscious - and popular.

Then, I scoured the Australian version of Gumtree and found a pretty little place 15 minutes walk from the centre of Sydney city. I'm gonna be living with two couples (oh god) in a study-cum-bedroom with no door (wtf) and paying about £133 a week to do it (!). Don't worry though, the mitigating reasons are fantastic. The location is brilliant, the couples are asian (3 japanese, 1 chinese) and are therefore amazing flatmates. I speak from experience. The flat itself is gorgeous, air conditioning, bills and internet all included in the price. The study is blocked off by this gorgeous hanging sheet and has a very comfortable single bed, wardrobe, desk and leather office chair... what more do I need?

(A door, a lock and a double bed. But hey, we can always go to her place)

Provenance - just like meeting a man on the beach who then offered me a room in his beach house (that didn't work out cause his girlfriend didn't think I was a reliable tenant. They normally only get Chinese students in because of how good and quiet they are) - on my first night in Sydney I walked past a backpackers travel agents that was open until 10 and everyone was drinking and partying. I went in to check it out - made some friends.

Fast forward a week.

I'm walking to my new office to pick up my merchandise for my FANTASTIC door to door salesman role! And I walk past the travel agents looking quite smart and bam, they start offering me a job and what not. I quit the door to door (100% commission, not stable) and started Monday just gone - and I love it. The people are great, the workplace is great and the money is the sweetest thing - a really reasonable wage and a commission to boot. I was paid to train the last few days and tomorrow I start properly, name on the system, chasing the dollar. I'm gonna make the best of it.

Making the best of it... that's the name of the game. I've realised I've turned into a really negative person over time, finding something wrong with everything... really need to count my blessings sometimes. I guess being by myself has that effect, a bit more of a drifting, empty feeling than if you're surrounded by your loved ones. I'm going to start throwing myself into this life with everything now, not gonna hold back at ALL.

My first aim is to really succeed within an employed environment on a long term basis, to stay motivated and unjaded and successful, an asset to myself and others around me. I hope to do 3 months out in the bush here so I can qualify for a second year of working visa so for now my aim is to make and save as much money as possible - while having a shit load of fun. I think this job, these colleagues can make this happen.

Let's make it happen.

Opportunity!

I really need to start sticking a few pictures on these here blogs - especially for this post.

So I'm feeling a bit forlorn and dejected from a few things and I decide (despite the overcast, occasional showery conditions) to head down to the beach. Give me some perspective, feel the sand between the toes - that whole jazz.

Standing on the edge of tidal inflow I notice a man watching his mate having a surf behind me and ask him to take a picture for me (picture will come). We then have a conversation that moves onto 'I have a spare room in my beach facing $2 million property that I'll lease to you, fully furnished, bills included, ensuite for $250 a week'. To explain why this is jaw dropping, a quick maths lesson.

To work out the proportionate cost of things I do the 'min wage equilibration'. Follow if you can. In Australia min-wage is ~£10 an hour compared to the UK at £6. For an identical standard of living therefore, items here need to cost 1.66x as much as in the UK. The actual rates are greatly variable (as you'd expect) with some things being 3-4x the cost and others being equal. I would love to have this shit have holes poked in it by the way so the economists and erudites out there - do it. Rape me.

So using the $250 as a benchmark ($1.5:£1 = $250:£166) (£166 / 1.66 = £100) at min wage in AU I'd have to work for 16.6 hours to pay for my weekly wage. Think of what you get for £100 a week, all bills internet included, and compare that to what I got offered.

And just wait till I show you the pictures. I am pretty fucking stoked if I'm honest hahaha. When something seems too good to be true though....

The guy is a 30 year old banker who is moving into mining because he wants a better wage (what a country.) living with his german girlfriend. I've met them both and they are lovely! My character judgement is pretty exemplary but when things seems too good to be true...

Lackadaisical logistics

Gonna start a facebook group - that moment you realise you have spent 1/6 of your money in two days. Granted this is accommodation for the near future included, a slap up meal and drinks that I WON'T be doing every night, but it was a bit of a wincer none the less. The sket (non-offensive context, I just pissed myself when I saw this upcoming film) in the bank counted it by hand and came up with a figure $300 less than the counting machine did... don't get why she counted it in the first place. Fit though.

So here I am, in my home away from home (starbucks). Paying $6 an hour for Wifi in the hotel really grinds my fukn gears y'know so I pay $6 for 24 here! + Travel + Coffee... oh shit...

Been on a job hunt, big style. I think I'm worth £20 an hour here but realistically I'll be looking at about £15 in some generic sales or retail position. If only I could fucking drive!! Arrrrgh! I'm not going to go into details about how long it is to get a license here but to summarise: 1 year minimum before you can be an unsupervised 'provisional', and people don't even really want to hire you, big liability that you are. Then, three years to obtain a full license. If I could, I could do pharmaceutical sales to hospitals and be on £25 an hour. Oh the cruel twists of fate.

I made a friend today, an estate agent! He even gave me an umbrella that he had found at a deserted property. Useful cause the one with the Australia flag on it was unreliable, disobedient and broke after a short period of pressure... I'm not saying anything.... The man himself managed to shatter every preconception I had about estate agents, so goddamn helpful. I may have found a nice little bachelor student pad as well, depends on a few other things though (like, where will my job be in the city). The single best thing about the property were the two parrots that were casually sitting on a washing line in the back garden cawing at us. Andy (the agent) took a few photos, hope to get them up soon.

Wild, territorial parrots in back gardens.That is probably enough to keep me here for life.

Je suis arrivé

Sitting here in a Starbucks at 5:37pm local time (6:37am GMT) sipping on a soy cappuccino (in Sydney, soy is king) and slowly drying off. It's been an absolute tropical rainstorm since I got here. Walking 25 minutes in said storm with 40kg of luggage to hotel was.... an experience. To say the least. The subsequent shower and power sleep was absolutely delish though!

My first few experiences with Australian service bear mentioning.... ordering a 'large soy macchiato' got a bit lost in translation with the barista and I received a single espresso. I mentioned it to the man and he said 'oh christ mate, sorry, it's the accent that got me!' Cheeky fucker. Later on, went to find myself an umbrella and when I asked for one from the reasonably cute looking girl she kindly got me one. With a big Australia flag on the top of it. Cue huge banter and a clear pickup opportunity (I've shaved since I arrived here; no one has a chance) that I let slide. But battle has been joined with these pommy angling cockroaches!! I feel much fonder of the UK now I'm not there, without the deadening feeling you get from rat-race London. I will defend us guys, for the Queen!

"I am not the author of these troubles but give me the strength to strike down my enemies" - Genghis Khan

Already though there is this smooth friction with people, like I'm in an East LDN greasy spoon talking about how shit (your) Arsenal team is compared to (my) Spurs. You can feel it. Just wish the weather was a bit better...

Sepp the Battler - a futile witch hunt?

I was at a bit of a loss to work out what I would blog about before I actually "went" to Australia but I figure a nice topical piece on current affairs would do nicely...

... and what better place to start than the master of misogyny, Sepp Blatter! The cameltoe loving scamp has really outdone himself this time, going beyond his par-for-the-course inappropriateness and blundering into the plain unacceptable. His blanket assessment of racism in football has led many to be shaking their heads in disbelief, calling for him to be (finally) sacrificed for the good of the game - and not without good cause. His obvious inability to empathize with ethnic minorities aside, he is a corrupt sleaze who forwent his accountability a long, long time ago. Many British footballers past and present have expressed their shock in no uncertain terms - Mark Bright, David Beckham, Rio Ferdinand to name a few. (Not as shocked as I am that Rio Ferdinand is literate). The odds are not long on Theo Walcott coming out and saying something next (that kid has something to say about EVERYTHING. Definitely over indulged as a child...)

However, are we in the UK kidding ourselves a bit here?

Just look at the reception his comments provoked from European media sources. He even has Eusebio, a legendary (black) footballer shrugging his shoulders at his words - albeit a man from Blatters generation, probably fresh from another statue unveiling. No doubt racism was so institutionalized at this time you either had to get on with it or "never finish a game". Sepp is obviously archaic and wrong but it is only the politically correct, sensationalist English who have really gone up in arms about it. This cynic suspects another media driven witch hunt in order to sell papers, but at least they're much more in line with public sentiment.

The man is part Berlusconi, part George Bush. What does Sepp have to fear from the English? Earlier this year, the FA tried to stand up to ol' Sepp and his club and the notion was roundly rejected. Blatter has the knack of binding to him the people who matter - via corrupt practices or not remains to be proven. a la Berlusconi, he remains in power long after an unnatural amount of pressure has been placed on him via his own mistakes, gaffes and suspect conduct (a la Bush). His wriggling and evasiveness on issues of corruption were absolutely standard for a man of his position and people would do well to remember that going after the King is only a good idea if you know you're going to win.

Still smarting from our numerous failures to bring Blatter down, the media and top FA brass are fuelling a shit storm of massive proportions but what chances of it crossing the channel? I am not privy to the goings on at the top but are we unable to take any sort of effective action? Empty words do nothing. Let's go to FIFA's sponsors, let's go to his allies all over the world, let's remove the pillars of his support one by one until he crumbles. We've already achieved FIFA alienation and who knows, maybe Blatters successor will appreciate our good work in bringing this old boy down. Maybe we'll get a shout for the 2026 WC?

Anyone can shout about what is right, good and fair but it takes fox-like cunning to bring another fox down. Are we Boggis, Bunce and Bean? Or can we beat him at his own game? You need to play the game and get to the top before you can change it.